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You know, I've found that when someone says "everything is fine", it's usually the opposite. Why would being in your normal body take more energy than shifting shapes?

Well...

[ She hesitates just a little too long. ]

You know. It's sort of like - the physical kind of...presses down on the spiritual. Bigger means that there's more...physical matter to drag down my spirit. Sort of. I think.

Kitty. [ She says her name softly but firmly, cutting off any further excuse. ]

[ A beat. And then she tells the truth. ]

My normal body...isn't my normal body any longer.

... What does that mean?

Some things happened back home.

I was...sort of...changed.

"Sort of." [ It's not a question; it's an expectation of answer. ]

Oh - you don't want to see it.

[ Cordelia just raises her eyebrows at Kitty in response to that. ]

[ And she hesitates a very long moment. Then, in a small voice, she says: ]

All right. Put me down.

[ She lowers her hand and Kitty to the floor just in front of her legs. Cordelia doesn't move to get up though, remaining on the ground with her legs crossed. ]

[ And the mouse hops off her hand and onto the floor. There's a moment's pause - while she thinks about it, thinks about whether she can do this - and then she takes a breath and changes forms again.

The woman who sits opposite Cordelia with her legs curled up, a little painfully, is odd-looking. She's hunched and thin and frail like an old woman, and she has the hair and skin of an old woman. But her eyes are clear and bright, and her voice is light and girlish. And there's something undeniably girlish about the way she sits, too. An unselfconscious youthfulness. ]

Like this. This is what I look like now.

[ There's no doubt that it is shocking to Cordelia, not at all what she was expecting (she didn't even know what to expect). But there's no rejection in her eyes, no horrified or abhorrent expression as she looks her over, taking in each and every juxtaposing detail. ]

Oh, Kitty ... [ she breathes out those few heartbeats of observation. She then leans forward the next moment, reaching for Kitty's hands if she'll let Cordelia take them. She also tries for a light smile, softening her tone as well, ] I thought you seemed mature for your age, but maybe you've taken it a little too far this time.

[ Oh. It's a funny joke - Kitty actually lets out a bleak ha before her eyes fill with tears. She presses her eyes shut and squeezes Cordelia's hands, both at the same time - a gesture that underlines just how little strength there is in her bony fingers. But the gesture gives her enough strength that, at least, she doesn't cry outright. ]

Yeah. I mean, I think I can probably look like I did before. But it's...hard. When I tried before, I just sort of...collapsed.

[ She squeezes back, encouraging and supporting all in one, waiting patiently while her surge of emotion crests and passes. She's glad to have made her laugh though; sometimes humor is the only answer to a tragedy like this, for however brief it can be. ]

You needn't put on airs here, not ever with any of us. Besides, I'd rather you not collapse, even if you're already on the ground with me.

Oh -

[ She gives a little shake of her head. ]

Um...not that sort of collapse. I mean, like, I actually collapsed. In on myself.

[ Her eyebrows draw down. ]

I'm not sure I understand.

I can show you, I guess. Sort of. It's kind of...Here.

[ She takes a breath and closes her eyes and concentrates. For a moment, there's a ripple as elements of her former appearance creep in - her hair darkens, her skin smooths. And then her outlines begin to tremble, shakily, like ripples on the surface of a pond. Her features grow less distinct, less humanlike - and then with a ripple of magic, she dissolves instead into a cloud of formless, gaseous, multicolored vapor. After a moment, the smoke draws together in a loose sphere and sighs - ]

Like that.

[ Now she jumps a the form change with Kitty's hands she was holding literally going up in a puff of smoke. ]

Good God—that doesn't hurt you, does it?

No.

[ Slowly, the smoke grows dense, solidifies, reconstitutes itself into a little blue dragonfly. ]

It doesn't feel like anything, really. It's just frustrating. I don't know why it is that my own face, of all things, should be hard to find...

[ She holds out her finger for Kitty to land on; no sense in making her flutter around when she could be resting. ]

Can I ask ... what happened, exactly? Did Lucifer cause this to happen to you?

Not really. Not...directly.

[ She gives a little flutter of her translucent wings. ]

When I was killed, I was Ported home. I don't know if I would have been Ported home anyway, or if my death was a trigger for it...It was what happened at home that's caused this, I think.

... Is it something you'd rather not talk about?

No. Um - it's all right. Just...

So - do you know about who I am? Who I was. In terms of...rebelling against my government.

Only in vague terms, really. Gregor didn't want to say anything you didn't want to tell me yourself.

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